Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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