I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
is that a dick in a sweater?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
