Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
