I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
