Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
