He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
