I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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