hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize