No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
