i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
