btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
