someone threw a dead crab at me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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