Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
