just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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