I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
