I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
