i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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