sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
