i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize