I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
