I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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