Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize