He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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