He disabled his match.com account in front of me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
