When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
