i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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