if you like me you must not know who I am
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
