distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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