Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
