At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
