Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
