She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
