toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
