Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
