Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
