sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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