Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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