You're my little dorito
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
