any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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