Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
