me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
