he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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