I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
