it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
farters have to be the big spoon...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
