I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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