Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You're like the curious george of whores
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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