Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
