I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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