Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
