I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
