Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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