you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
