I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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