so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
