This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
