after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
