I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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