Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
