Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
