The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
