Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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