Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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