dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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