Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
