im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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