WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
