I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
