But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
