i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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