oh god the rape fog is back!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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