One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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