she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she peed on how many people?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
