We won't sleep together?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
