PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
