we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
