i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
