sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
