my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
