Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
