we're blogging at a bar
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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