Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
