the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
