clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your cock deserves a montage
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize