Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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