Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
