Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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