Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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