We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
