beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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