mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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