Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
