but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
