if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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