bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
