he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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