Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
