Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry about my life...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
