everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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