I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize