There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
