I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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