Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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