Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
