The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize